Those whom Allah [in his plan] willeth to
guide- He comforts their chest to Islam ".
The holy Koran; 6:125
Prologue
I thank Allah for his gift to human kind: Islam; a gift that all the
gratitude in this universe cannot give it its due right. I thank him for
leading me to the right path [that of worshipping Allah the one & only God
with no partners] after 40 years of being on the wrong side. I hereby
testify that no one is God but Allah without a partner, that Muhammad is
his messenger & that Jesus [the son of Mary] is also a messenger of Allah
created in his mother's womb by the will of God being just as much the
same a human as Adam was (peace be upon them all). I hereby repent to the
Lord the years of my life that I spent in infidelity & non-righteousness
as a Christian. I cannot fully rid myself of all the past sin, for God has
given me a sound mind to think & the knowledge to realize that I was
wrong. I did not follow the light for so long. I was afraid of losing kin
& friend, I was afraid of losing material heritage. I had this deeply
implanted grudge against Islam & Muslims. It had to be a long & tedious
journey to the serenity & righteousness of Islam. I'd like very much to
make the reader share it with me.
***********************
Planting the black fruit of
prejudice
[The early years in Sunday
school]
¨
My father was a well-known Coptic (eastern
Christian) preacher. He worked in the "Society of friends of the Holy
Book" in Alexandria. His job was to attempt to lure poor
Muslims living in underprivileged districts of the city to convert to
Christianity. He was a strictly religious person who insisted that all his
sons join the Sunday school of the Church as soon as each reaches the age
of six. These schools graduate vicars who assist priests/pastors. The
elite of vicars are chosen to be priests themselves when they get older.
There are myths of holiness of priests in the Coptic culture as they are
thought to be given the powers to heal the sick, help the needy & ablate
sins of the sinners. Pupils of the Sunday schools are brainwashed into
believing such superstitions right from a very young age. Along with such
myths, plenty of false concepts & lies about Islam are engraved
into the minds & souls of young kids attending such schools:
1.
Egypt was the land of Copts & Muslims seized it from them through
war. When they occupied the land, they tortured its Coptic Christians
cutting their tongues so as not to talk in their native language & not to
worship Christ. Muslims stole all church treasures, then they turned
churches into mosques. They forced Copts to convert to Islam or pay a
large sum of money, & killed all those who refused both. As this sum was
too much for the poor Copts, flocks of them unwillingly denounced their
religion. Coptic priests in Egypt still wear black mourning the atrocities
committed by Muslims against their ancestors. They will take it off once
they regain their land. [The truth is that Copts were tortured by fellow
Christians "the Romans", so they welcomed Muslims who offered them freedom
of faith & acknowledged their religion. Muslims entered Egypt without any
fight with its natives, but rather with its occupants. They preserved the
Coptic heritage that stands as a witness to their forgiving reign to
date].
2.
Muslims are infidel pagans who will become the fuel
of hell. Their book, the Koran is not a holy book as it was put down by
Muhammad. He filled it with superstitions & regulations that would allow
him to marry whomever he fancies & control his followers. He got most of
its content from the teachings of a Syrian monk "Bohyrah" whom he met in
his early life & later killed to bury this secret. [The Koran stands for
itself defiant for 14 centuries showing one miracle after the other in
literature, science, history & all other branches of human knowledge. This
is solid proof of its holy source & distance from any human contribution].
3.
Muslims carry deep-rooted hatred towards Copts.
They envy them, as Christianity does not have the restrictions Islam
imposes on dressing, eating & drinking [spirits]. Muhammad himself married
a Copt & permitted his followers to do the same as Christians are much
prettier & more liberated than Muslim women. [Actually, Muslim women are
the ones who are much prettier! Coptic instructions impose more
restrictions in life than Islam. Muslims are ordered, as an essential
entity of their faith, to acknowledge Christianity & Judaism and to honor
their followers. Christianity does not acknowledge Islam or its prophet, &
preaches hatred towards Muslims].
4.
Muslims persecute Copts to force them out of
Egypt & keep the whole country to themselves. They are eager to wipe
Christianity out of Egypt, but are deterred by the power of Europe & the
US. Copts should know that Muslims are their real enemies. They should
strive to get money, as it is the means to regain their land. Till they
have the wealth & power, they should flatter Muslims & continue to plot
against them. They should avoid mosques as Muslims slaughter those Copts
who enter them. They should not touch the Koran as it is a book of evil &
magic. [I have no comment on this. It shows which side is evil].
5.
Propagating the Solomon skeleton myth: Christ will
return only when the Jews rebuild the skeleton, at which time all Jews
will become Christians & all Christians of the world will unite to kill
Muslims & control the world. Coptic faith also propagates the myth of the
"Jews being God's chosen people", as Christ will return to them. [In this
way Copts are hypocrites denouncing in Public the Jewish State, while
favoring it in secret. It is ironic that many Christian/Jewish sects have
recently emerged, all denouncing such myths & believing that Jesus will
build the skeleton himself].
¨
During this critical period of my life, it
was my father who first opened my eyes to the aberrations of the current
Christian faith. He used to tell us secretly at home that true
Christianity is against worshipping statues & pictures, against putting
all this holiness to clergymen, against all those luxurious complicated
rituals & against all these superstitions that they keep feeding into
their people. He could not dare declare his points of view, as this simply
meant losing the respectable monthly salary he gets from the Church,
besides losing all the aura that surrounds his job.
¨
There is an event whose memory is still
fresh in my mind. I was around 9 years when my mother gave birth to 2 male
twins. For fear of being envied, she did not go to the church to baptize
them. When one of the twins got gravely sick, my mother hurried to the
priest to heal him. He looked to her in a fierce blaming way & shouted,
"What do you think you were doing? Did you want them to die as muslims?!"
The deep hatred to anything Islamic that showed on his face remained
haunting me for years to come.
The black fruit gets ripe
[Church lessons in
adolescence]
¨
At the age of 18, I became a teacher to
young vicars in Sunday school. As a pre-requisite, I ought to attend all
the church lessons, the special church meetings & pay extended summer
visits to monasteries where famous anti-Islamic
preachers lecture. As you get older, you get exposed to increasing doses
of prejudice against Muslims & their religion. In these meetings, there
were elaboration on & confirmation of topics previously taught in Sunday
schools:
1.
A true Christian should not listen to the recital of Koran
or the call for prayers when broadcast through radio or TV. Reading any
verses of the Koran or even touching it is an unforgivable sin & should be
totally prohibited. The Koran is full of contradictions & lies. It is an
explicit book having too many sexual topics, both directly & in
insinuation. It is derived from the instructions of Arias of the 3rd
century who preached that Christ was just a human who is not equal in any
respect to the Father God. Bohyrah, a Syrian monk following Arias, met
Muhammad & taught him to write then made him learn the principles of
Christianity to preach to the Arabs. Instead, Muhammad invented a new
religion to make himself a prophet & invited the monk to Arabia,
made him drunk & killed him to bury the secret. Now that Muhammad has lost
the source, he began extracting from old historic tales, from Moses' book
& from his wild imaginations on paradise & hell. He lived thereafter not
to preach & not to fight infidels, but to marry as much women as he
fancies. His "religion" found good acceptance among Arabs because of this
"polygamy issue"! His followers served to spread the religion by sword &
oppression. Muslims are well known, eversince, for their special adoration
of women, progeny & violence. Muhammad controlled them through magic,
astrology & through his epileptic fits. He personally hated pigs, & so he
prohibited their rearing & use. [Could there be a bigger bunch of lies &
false allegations than all this nonsense? The Koran has stood defiant to
any contradictions for centuries & still amazes its learners day after
day. If Muhammad's followers did that only for women, why did they
sacrifice their lives so cheaply for the religion? If Islam was spread by
the sword & through oppression, how did it reach countries that saw no
battles whatsoever? & How were there still minorities of other religions
living safely & prospering very well in Muslim territory?]
2.
There was a repeated concentration on the topic of the
violent nature of Islam. Stories were told over & over mentioning the rape
of Christians, demolishing their homes, seizing their properties & forcing
their women to marry Muslims. The Coptic Pope keeps on giving public
patriotic statements to the local media that he refuses any foreign
"custody" on Egyptian Copts & that the government is taking a very just
stand on their side. While doing so, his clergymen work from behind the
scenes to revolt Copts against their fellow Muslims by propagating totally
unfounded & largely exaggerated tales of persecution. Copts keep on
flocking on European & American embassies with falsified stories in order
to get access to these countries & gain social/financial support. Those
who have already immigrated keep on disseminating such allegations in the
western media to create a deeply implanted spirit of hatred between the
followers of the 2 religions. Although of a different affiliation than
western Christians (Copts are Eastern Orthodox following the Church
of Alexandria & Abyssinia & having their own Pope), & although they look
to Protestants & Catholics as infidels; still they looked forward to
western support to help them topple Muslims. They've repeatedly focused on
the Islamic law that allows the killing of those who retreat from Islam to
any other religion [although this is not particular to Islam, as it is
derived from the old testament & is a genuine part of the Jewish faith
from which the Christians take their laws!]. They preached in these
meetings how we should stay away from Muslims & never make friends with
them unless our purpose is to distance them from their faith. When the
Egyptian army lost the 1967 war with Israel, Copts were jubilant claiming
that the defeat came from Heaven as Muslims were planning to slaughter
them if they won. 6 years later when the Egyptian conquered the Israelis
in the October 1973 war, they claimed that the victory was because their
Pope contributed to the war plans & that one of the top Egyptian generals
in the war was a devoted Copt! [See how they contradict themselves: the
mere presence of such a high-ranked Coptic officer discards all the claims
of persecution. Was the Egyptian army composed of only Muslims? Once it
won the war, why didn't they "slaughter" Copts as was propagated before?
It all goes to show how the Coptic Church strives to agitate its followers
against their fellow countrymen].
3.
Although many of us were already brainwashed by the Sunday
schools' preachings & by the repeated implantation of such lies into our
souls, still some had some brains to argue (including myself). One Coptic
youth (a would-be pastor) asked the preacher: "What do you think of
Muhammad?" & the preacher replied: "He was a bright man who succeeded in
gathering devoted followers." The young man continued: "Plato, Socrates &
Einstein were all brilliant persons praised by everybody up till this day.
But their followers are never on the rise & their cult is not spreading
all around the world." The preacher had no reply. Another young man would
ask: "What do you think of the Koran?" & the preacher would try to find a
compromised reply "It is a book that Muhammad has wrote. It contains the
stories of the old nations & their prophets. It preaches righteousness &
the worship of God. However, it has a lot superstitions & contradictions
included." The young would carry on: "If it is so, then why do you
prohibit us from reading it to cling more to our faith? Why do you read it
yourselves?" The preacher would evade replying by confirming that any Copt
who dares touching the Koran [let alone reading it] is an infidel that
will never get absolution. A third would ask: "Do Muslims worship God?"
"Yes." "Then why do we consider them infidel & will dwell in hell?"
"Because they do not acknowledge Jesus Christ as the Lord." "But they
still worship God. They call Him Allah [God in Arabic] & we call Him
Jesus. In the end He is the same Creator of this universe & all what's in
it." The preacher would attack the poor guy as he lacks the logic answer.
A 4th would say: "Isn't it written in the old testament & in
Jeremiah's book that God has pledged to vanquish anyone who claims
prophecy when he isn't a true prophet of God? Muhammad has preached for 23
years, conquered the 2 major powers of the time: the Persians & the
Romans, his religion did spread to the whole world & persisted for more
than 14 centuries. Why hasn't God fulfilled his pledge if Muhammad was a
liar?" Again, there was defamation instead of a proper answer.
Perplexity
[Suspicions in the heart of a
young man]
1. My father, being a famous preacher, had good connections with
higher Coptic clergymen, all the way up to the Pope [Kirrollos VI, at the
time]. During the reign of Emperor Hela-Silassy of Ethiopia, whose Eastern
Orthodox Church follows that of Alexandria, the Patriarch visited
Abyssinia. On his return, my father was among his welcoming committee.
They went to congratulate him in his Alexandria residence. My father came
back furious after such complementary visit. He said, "this foolish Pope
brought back with him lions. He sent them to a monastery in Upper Egypt.
He jubilantly told us that the purpose of these lions was to [devour any
Copt who dares to convert to Islam! Our ancestors conserved the Christian
faith by being fed to the lions by the Romans. We shall maintain that
tradition. We shall feed those who wish to abandon our religion to the
lions. Let this be deterrent to any would-be infidel]." I was stunned. Is
this the mercy of Christianity that has been repeatedly mentioned by our
clergymen? They have planted in my head how our religion is lenient &
merciful compared to the brutal Islam which instructs on the "killing of
any Muslim quitting the religion". Is this now the truth: we Christians
are the ones who do that, & in this grotesque way. Fortunately, the
Patriarch died shortly after this encounter.
2. A close friend of my father was ordinated as the senior priest
of a big Church (in Macks of Alexandria). He was a respected clergyman, an
authority in theology who is much beloved by a wide mass of population
attending his preaches. Suddenly, & after 2 years of his ordination,
father Mathew disappeared. He showed up in Germany, from where he returned
all his clergy possessions to the Pope announcing his conversion to Islam.
The Church started spreading rumors around that Mathew was insane. I loved
the guy very much, so I asked my father what really happened. He told me,
"Mathew is much more sane than any of these fools who are tarnishing his
reputation. He ran for his life. If he had declared his conversion here in
Egypt, they surely would have killed him." I turned to my father of
confession,
Reverend Mattias Rafael, for the truth behind killing Copts who convert.
He said, "This is done for the sake of preserving the integrity of the
Church. Slaughtering aberrants will deter others from following this
infidel path. We keep them as Christians. When we know of any intention to
convert, we lure the person into a church, force him to seclusion in a
remote monastery, brainwash him there by temptation & threats. If he is
still insistent, we literary torture him to declare repentance. Whether he
succumbs or resists, his fate has already been decided: death. It is for
his own good. He dies as a Christian before having second thoughts. When
insisting on aberration, then we kill him for the good of other
Christians, so that no one follows suite."
3. In 1971, I became a student of Medicine. In that same year,
Patriarch Shennoudah was ordinated as the Pope of Coptic Church. Most
senior clergymen did not love him for his arrogant non-forgiving nature.
Yet, he controlled matters by an iron-fist Machiavellian policy. He used
to send spies to all Churches' preaches/ceremonies to bring him news of
what is being said & done. Those clergymen who did not follow his
instructions by the letter or even dared to defy his authority were
harshly punished. I've seen this happening to a close clergyman. Father
Rafael was a senior monk in the Meena monastery of a suburb of Alexandria
(King Marriott). It came to the knowledge of the Pope that his name was
not mentioned in the prayers conducted by this monk. Rafael was prohibited
from praying for 6 months. According to Coptic faith, the Pope had the
authority to suspend the prayers from being accepted in heaven! So even if
someone prohibited by the Patriarch prays in secret, still his prayers
wouldn't find its way to God! This is a very severe punishment. When I
went for my customary summer stay in the monastery, I went with another
close clergyman [Samuel] to visit the punished father Rafael in his room.
Samuel was doing his best to persuade Rafael to remove such humiliation by
going to the Pope & arguing with him that one prays to God & not to the
Pope, so that this vindication is unfounded. Rafael was very much
intimated, he feared the Pope might prohibit him from paradise in the
after life! Father Samuel left angrily, I followed trying to calm him
down. We were walking in plain desert when he suddenly said, "Could a high
Muslim clergyman prevent any Muslim from praying? Never. They will kill
the clergyman, being infidel, if he did what our Pope did. Muslims know
God well & they pray only to Him, not to a human like we do. Have you read
anything from the Koran?" My instant reply was, "Certainly not. Why would
I do something like that?" He started reciting some verses from the Koran
in a heart-capturing angelic voice, but came to a sudden stop. I was
touched, so I said, "Why did you cease?" "I forgot a word." "Fill it with
anything that carries the same meaning." He looked sarcastically to me,
"Do you think the Koran is like our bible? We recite a verse & skip ten,
we change words as we please, and we translate it from one language to
another to another so that when we return to the starting language we find
a totally different thing. My boy, in the Koran each letter has been in
its place for centuries & will stay so till the end of time. God preserved
it &it will never change." "How did you learn to recite the Koran like
Muslims do?" "I always keep my radio tuned to the Koran channel. I am old
& have no skills that can support me or a kinsman who can take care of me
if I leave here. Otherwise, I would have become one of them." I knew he
was a Muslim in heart. I now understood the reason for his continuous
sarcastic gestures on exaggerated Coptic rituals.
4. My once strong Christian faith was now shaking from the roots. I
began to dislike the absolute authority of the Pope that raised him to the
level of God in the eyes of his Coptic followers. To them, everything he
says is divine being revealed to him from Heaven through the Holy Spirit.
He never does mistakes, absolutely infallible. Trying to win the love of
those who did not like him, Shennoudah started easing many Coptic
restrictions. He issued decrees permitting the drinking of milk to fasting
Copts with peptic ulcers (any animal product is prohibited during
fasting), he allowed processed cheese & butter to weak ones. The Catholic
Pope of Rome did something similar by declaring that the main objective of
fasting is to use oil instead of butter/ghee. Accordingly, a fasting
Catholic can eat meat & eggs on condition that they are fried in oil!
That's how rules of Heaven are modified by humans.
5. In 1982, a serious Christian event took place. A "new
international version of the New Testament of the Holy Book" was
issued. This "Book of Life", as it
was called, has in its preface the following quotation "the Holy Spirit
has inspired its writers & gave wisdom to translators so as to help you
understand the Scriptures." So, we are free to change the words of God at
will for others to be able to understand! Christians were tempted into
exchanging their older editions of the Bible with this new
luxuriously-packaged book by offering it for free. Older editions were
withdrawn from Churches & monasteries. It was planned that within 10 years
the old editions would have vanished from circulation & new generations
will have no knowledge of them. When I sat down to compare both editions,
I came across considerable differences. I wandered, "Is Man free to change
what God has revealed to his prophets/messengers? Would the ones who do so
escape heavenly punishment on account of their earthly-ordinated Church
titles?" Islam came to my mind as a religion that does not allow one
letter of God's words in the Koran to be changed or merely displaced.
6. When I read deep into Christian history, I grew more resentful.
From as early as the 4th century AC Patriarchs were
incriminating one another. Each one had the "true faith", while all the
others & their followers were "infidels with whom no prayers should be
shared". Father Rafael (my confession priest) acknowledged this adding
that stigmatizing others as "unfaithful" holds true in heaven before
earth! I told him, "So our Patriarch considers all non-Copt Christians
infidels, & the Pope of Rome
tags us Copts as infidels. And since the decrees of both hold true in
Heaven, then all Christians should be infidels one way or the other! What
would be our fate, then, in the other life?" He answered in a broken mood,
"God have mercy on us all." This was the last time I'd seen him. He died
of liver cirrhosis a few months later. Like most Copt clergymen, he was an
alcoholic.
7. When I was in my last year of studying medicine (1977), a close
friend of mine had already graduated from the Faculty of engineering. Doss
studied theology & had major participations to the Church. He was
appointed as the pastor of a small church in a poor district of Alexandria
& he took me as head vicar in his church. As part of our duties, we had to
visit the homes of poor Copts in the district. Doss became furious when he
found that most kids were not baptized. He used to shout at the parents,
"What are you? Do you want your children to die infidel Muslims?" This
confused me. If Christianity was the religion of God, why then was it
necessary to "christen" the newborns in church by a priest? Why weren't
they born Christians? When I asked senior clergymen if kids were born Jews
or infidels, so that it is necessary to baptize them to turn them
faithful; they all gave the same answer, "Kids are born pure & angelic." I
became more confused.
8.
My elder sister got
married to a Protestant physician whose father had converted to Islam some
years before. My brother-in-law despised Coptic clergymen saying that they
survived on sucking the money from their poor followers. He spoke
sarcastically of Coptic Church being studded with statues, pictures,
candles, scent,… He used to say, "these are not churches, they are art
galleries or rather pagan temples". As for the absolution through
confession to a priest, he just couldn't accept that. "How on earth would
someone commit all the sins in the book, go to a clergymen & tells him
what he has done
& the latter would say to him [go boy, your sins have been forgiven. You
are now as pure as a child]? Is this logic in any way?" When we once
asked him to join us in church to share with us "the flesh & blood of
Jesus Christ", he simply refused & told me, "go to your father of
confession & he will tell you that they added this ritual to the book of
John." I did just that, & father Rafael smiled at me saying, "Your
brother-in law is right. Yes, they added some parts to the bible to
clarify some obscure verses." I was shocked. So these rituals that we
dignify are man-made!
Seeing the Right Path
1. Every time I went into a church I was confronted by a huge
picture of Jesus &/or a statue of him suffering on the crucifix. I
started wondering how this poor helpless creature could be the God that
we worship. We should be worshiping his Almighty Creator instead. As
these truthful thoughts crossed my mind, I immediately got intruded by
the devil, "How can you throw away the religion of your family &
ancestors? Are all the millions of Christians in the world imbeciles not
to have realized what you found? Do you think you're the only smart
one?" But then my sound mind would answer, "There are more pagans,
atheists & infidels in the world than Christians. They too think wrongly
that they are on the right path. Despite including a lot of intellectual
bright ones, they are still wrong, & so are Christians. I now realize
this clearly."
2. When I graduated in 1978, I had my internship in the
department of "Plastic surgery & Burns". One day there was a fire in a
big downtown restaurant [Santa Lucia] & the casualties were rushed in.
The Chef had the most extensive burns I've ever seen & he was surely
going to die. Once his agonizing pains were sedated, he asked for the
doctor & I came to him. He whispered in my ears in a confident serene
tone, "I used to be in the medical corps of the army, so I know a lot
about burns. I know I will die shortly. Thanks God I am a faithful
Muslim. I worship one God & I am not afraid to meet Him. Please, let me
die in peace. No need for all those injections, infusions &
manipulations. Let me pray in those last hours of mine. I'm longing to
meet Allah my Creator in faith." His lips started murmuring verses of
the Koran & his face showed a content calm expression. He died
peacefully within a couple of hours, but he left a deep impact on me.
God bless his soul. His face haunted me for several days. I couldn't
sleep. I was a doctor & he just a cook, yet my inside seemed a vacuum
compared to his. He had solidarity, confidence & serenity in the face of
death. I had internal emptiness, horror & deep fear. I wondered, "Is it
the Koran? Is it the faith of Islam? Is this the difference?"
3. In 1981, & after completion of my internship, I moved to the
east of Alexandria to start a private practice in Sidi Bishr. As I
settled, someone told me that a Copt in the vicinity had converted to
Islam. I hurried to the Priest of the district to inquire & to blame. He
said, " The devil has begotten him. Stay away from him". But I simply
couldn't. I grew curious & went to watch him from a distance. He worked
as a carpenter in a nearby shop. I wanted to see how this
Satan-controlled soul looked like & behaved. To my surprise, he had the
same content serene facial expression of the burned-to-death Chef. I
wanted to approach him & have a conversation, but I was afraid. I didn't
want to harass him. Instead, I had a chance, through my practice, to
become close to many Muslims & watch them closely. My relation grew
stronger with a nearby mosque preacher & a neighbor [Ahmad]. To my
astonishment, two Copts in the district later approached me & threatened
to kill me in cold blood if I carried on like that making friends with
Muslims. I defended myself by mentioning who my father was, how I was
brought up in church as one of its faithful sons, how I studied theology
& became a clergyman myself. This encounter made me wonder. Though I had
serious doubts of my faith, yet up to this moment it hadn't crossed my
mind that I could become a Muslim. Now I started thinking.
4. I used to have extended arguments with my neighbor Ahmad about
Islam & Christianity. One day he was speaking to me about "Justice &
Equality in Islam", then he asked me, "Do you have in your religion
anything compared to that?" He had explained a comprehensive system that
took notice of all possibilities & provided guidance for everything in a
practical just way. My previous disfigured picture of Islam was now
rectified in that respect. I couldn't give him an answer. These
arguments saved to broaden my thinking & correct the misconcepts fed to
me in the Sunday schools & church. I grew fond of that religion by the
day. Now I became curious to read about it from its own sources & not
through the distorted visions of others. Throughout these extended
arguing sessions with Ahmed, whenever the prayers called, he excused me,
washed for prayers then went down to pray in a nearby mosque. When I
asked him was it permitted to pray in the clinic instead of going to the
mosque, he replied, "All God's land could be used for prayers. It is
just because praying in a group in a mosque gives you more credit with
Allah, it is this which drives Muslims to be keen to go to mosques." He
prayed once infront of me, I watched how he bent & knelt, how he recited
verses of the Koran & how he was taken up to another world during the
ritual. I was impressed. He told me that Muslims are supposed to pray 5
times a day in fixed timings. When I inquired, "If the Imam [preacher]
was absent, do you still pray in time, wait for him or cancel prayers
altogether?" He said that any Muslim who knows his religion well & could
recite several verses of the Koran would lead the prayers. The prayers
have to be done in time & it waits for no one. Islam does not have in
its original core the profession of "clergymen". Every Muslim is
encouraged to learn about his religion & to study the Koran. When he
does, he can then be a virtual clergyman besides his other earthly
profession. Islam is a religion open to all; not something secretive
kept to clergies. We pray to God [not to humans] & He revealed all what
we need to us. He then asked me, "What if the priest was absent?" I
shyingly answered, "There'd be no prayers. We can only pray in the
presence of an ordained priest." That night I was thinking to myself:
Muslims are the real monks. They work, read about their religion & pray
5 times a day. Those lazy ones in monasteries sleep, drink spirits, eat,
stay away from life problems & live leisurely secured on the backs of
poor working people. I now recalled how donations & gifts poured into
churches & monasteries to end up in the laps of clergymen. These ones
who are wrongly "holified" by the mass of Christians do nothing but
indulge themselves in earthly pleasures, & lazily pray once a day in
haste.
5. I became more attached to Islam by the day as I read more into
it. All those precise regulations for each & every expected event, how
could one human put them down by himself [Muhammad as Christians/Jews
claim]? How was this wealth of knowledge, prophecies, principles &
narration of events be revealed in such a precision without a single
fault or contradiction? How did the Koran & Islam survive all those
centuries of plotting & denouncing without scratching its holiness &
correctness? Was Muhammad such a genius [as they told us] or was he a
true prophet of God?
6. My father died & we went to court to divide his wealth between
us as a family. I was astonished to find that the regulations Copts
apply for inheritance are none but the Islamic ones of the Koran. When I
asked: Why don't we apply Christian or Jewish regulations? I was
answered, "But there are none!" I returned to my neighbor Ahmed & asked
him to explain those Islamic inheritance regulations to me. He recited a
couple of verses of the Koran & that was all. Those few eloquent lines
contained a comprehensive documentation of all possibilities. I was
envious. It now looks clear that Islam has rules for everything in life
& we borrow from it. My faith now looked deficient. Have I spent all
those years on the wrong side?
7. During the period extending from 1982-1990 I worked as a chest
physician in Kom el Shokafa Hospital, on the west district of
Alexandria. I began to despise my religion & my heart grew more attached
to the rituals & rules of Islam. But still the new faith had its
limitations. I used to wonder, "If I became a Muslim, would I be able to
cut the time for 5 prayers each day out of my leisure? Would I withstand
fasting for one whole month every year when I'm a known glutton? Would I
give away my money for alms when my highest goal of life was to get
money & spend it on my vices? Could I endure the bodily & financial
hardships of the pilgrimage to Mecca?" I was still shaky with one leg
here & the other still there. In this hospital I had a colleague who
kept on talking to me about the merits of Islam. For every current event
that took place, he had an appropriate verse of the Koran or saying of
Prophet Muhammad that fitted it precisely. It seemed that I was passing
the critical envious phase to an Islam-loving & adoring one. I had a
Copt colleague who shared with me the same views. We used to talk about
the wonders of the Koran, how its words carry beauty & eloquence when
recited, and how they are to the point being in congruence with the most
recent scientific knowledge. Our Christian holy books lacked all that,
being studded with aimless meaningless text. When I conveyed some of
these thoughts to some Copt clergymen, they again referred the wonders
of Koran to the fact that Muhammad was a lucky genius. I was not
convinced. To me, I was now sure that he was a prophet of God, & a great
one too.
8. In 1991 I started my post-graduate studies. All my colleagues
were Muslims. They were talking about a famous Muslim preacher of the
time [Sheik Sha'arawy]. One of them was always harassing females. When
we blamed him for that, he said that this was his "written fate" & that
he can't change it. I told him that the Sheik said that we make our own
fate & for that we are accountable. The fate for which we are not
accountable is what happens to us that we have no control of [as death,
disease, and disaster]. God knows in advance [through his comprehensive
infinite knowledge] what our choices will be & how we shall behave. He
does not interfere, but he knows. It is wholly entitled to us, & for
this there is heavenly reward & punishment. As I spoke, the others
looked at me with amazement. It seemed that I was defending their
religion in a better way than they could have done.
Some guiding lights along
the way
[My father]
1. In the early 70's we used to live in an apartment in Moharram
Bey. The building seemed to be "haunted". All the inhabitants [save one]
were frightened of the mischievous events that they encountered. We were
all Copts, except for this peaceful Muslim family who had the Koran
recited from the radio around the clock & who were used to praying
regularly in the mosque. There were banging doors, shattered glass,
lights on & off, haunting sounds… We sought help form Copt exorcists of
the church. They drained us out of money for their services, but in
vain. In the end, my father got furious & shouted at one of them, "I
should have used the Koran instead of you blood suckers." They called
him a sinful infidel. We moved to another residence to discard ourselves
from this haunting & the disgrace brought upon us [as Copts] by my
father's remarks. I knew now of that friend of my father {Doss}who left
to Germany & converted to Islam. My father stayed in contact with him &
began acting differently. He stopped preaching, attending church &
kissing the hands of senior clergymen (as it was customary; such hands
are sacred having held the flesh & blood of Jesus Christ & kissing them
is a blessing!). Instead of going early to the church on Fridays, he now
overslept. When he woke up late, he showered & left to come back after
lunch. He ceased to have a regular afternoon nap, found excuses to get
out & returned after nightfall. He forbade my sisters from going to the
hairdresser or wearing any revealing clothes. Even his regular speech
has changed with the intrusion of some Muslim phrases. One day when my
father & mother had a family feud & I was trying to intervene, she told
me, "Go & ask your father why did he abandon church & the Bible. Ask
what he is doing on Friday noons & all those evenings outside home". He
screamed to silence her, "Shut up woman." I sat down later when my
father cooled off insisting on finding answers. He told me; "in time you
will know. It is you in particular who will know & appreciate." I began
to suspect that my father became a Muslim in secret. Later I was passing
by a mosque not far away from where we lived when some old man coming
out of the mosque shook hands with me & said, "I haven't seen you pray
with us lately. Do you pray in another mosque? We hope you'd join us
again." My suspicions were exalted.
2. My father passed out in 1988. I inherited his books & notes.
As I was revising his Bible, I came across several handwritten remarks.
He pointed out to some incorrect verses, & to other verses that were
changed in different editions. Up till now I had sound belief that the
Bible was revealed from God to his prophets through the Holy Spirit. His
notes revealed otherwise. When I revised them, I was saddened to find
them true. When I confided my doubts to a close clergy friend, he said;
"It's not a big deal. There are a lot more of mistakes than your father
pointed out in the Holy Book. Just pass them by & everything will be all
right. Don't panic." But I did. I went through the Bible page by page. I
was shocked to find it full of mistakes, contradictions, statements that
defied any logic & prophecies that never came true. Is this really the
word of God?
3. I got hold of my grandfather's bible. It also had handwritten
references to many additions/omissions [to/from previous editions
respec.] that were done around 1930. The most striking were changing
terms like "our master/our teacher" (used by the apostles when
addressing Jesus) to "our Lord". I found an essay written by my father
about the history of writing the Bible. As Islam started its rise in the
7th century, the Pope in Rome panicked. He used force to
gather all Christian books from nations under his rule (practically all
Europe & North Africa) & burned them. His famous statement was,
"Ignorance is better for religion." At that time, only the rich could
afford owning books. Otherwise, books were found in churches &
monasteries. He issued a decree allowing the killing of anyone who
refused to deliver the books he owned. For that reason, whole villages
were wiped out of existence in extreme brutality. His given reasons were
protecting Christianity from heresy & preserving the integrity of the
religion in the face of a new rising faith. A new "unified" Bible was
then issued, from which all our current Gospels stem. This explains the
lack of any complete Bible copies dating before Islam. My father's
remarks on that Pope were, "This is the anti-religious monster who
introduced paganism into our Christianity. He gave himself [& senior
clergymen] the powers of God. Those who died deprived of clergymen's
forgiveness will end in hell. Rules & regulations came from clergymen,
not from God."
4. Among his papers, I found an explanation of a prophecy in
Daniel. There was to be a principal Messiah in 620 Hebrew years from the
fall of Babylon (this was Jesus Christ), then in another 620 years a
principal prophet (was this a reference to Muhammad who started
preaching Islam about that very same date?).
On the way to the mosque
1. My debates with my clinic's neighbor had served to clarify a
lot of misconceptions I had about Islam. He was such an attractive
speaker who knew a lot about Christianity, as well as his religion. He
had a smile that never left his face & talked in a confident low voice.
As I attacked polygamy, he replied in his usual calm tone, "You know
very well how the church society is full of extra-marital relations,
affairs & out-of-bed lock liaisons. It is all a consequence of
prohibiting divorce & limiting marriage to one wife." When I attacked
Muhammad's sexuality & multiple wives, he said, "How many wives did
David or Solomon have? Compared to these, it seems now that Muhammad has
limited marriage, not expanded it. Who were their wives? They always
chose the most beautiful young & wealthy girls. Most Muhammad's wives
were not young, not wealthy & not pretty. He married them when he was
old. There were reasons other than sex for all such marriages, mainly
political & religious." I knew he was right.
2. I kept bombarding Christian clergymen with my doubts & got no
decisive answers. Once I asked, "Why has God sacrificed himself for the
sake of mankind in this humiliating way? Why did he expose himself to
being kicked at, spitted upon & beaten by Jews? What has all that
corporal degradation to do with saving humanity & carrying its sins?
What is the use of sacrificing Christ's blood (by killing him on the
crucifix) when God has gave Moses/Jews the benefit of sacrificing
animals (sheep/cows) for absolution? If these could save the purpose,
was it necessary for God to come down to earth as a human & endure all
these undignified torturing? Why has God chosen red wine to symbolize
Christ's blood? Couldn't he have chosen another liquid that is more
decent than alcohol?" I got vague philosophic replies. Others told me
that these are secrets of the Church not to be revealed to ordinary
Christians. Some told me just to have blind faith & not carry on asking
unanswerable questions.
3. Ahmed once embarrassed me, "What had Jesus to say about God?"
I couldn't answer. There was a lecture by the Pope in the big church of
Alexandria in which we were permitted to write down questions for him to
answer. I attended & wrote some Biblical quotations [John 17:3 "..That
they may know You, the only true God & Jesus Christ whom you have sent."
John 20:17 "Jesus said: I am returning to my Father & your Father, to my
God & your God."] I elaborated that Jesus acknowledged that he is not a
God, & that he (like all other humans) prays to one God, the One who
sent him to preach ["My teaching is not my own. It comes from Him who
sent me" John 7:17]. The same bible stated that "all believers are the
sons of God". Jesus, then is not a God & is not alone the son of God.
The Patriarch read what I wrote out loud, then replied, "When Christ was
in a human body he was the God of that body & of all the same bodies.
God never departed that body." I immediately wrote back to him, "Was God
divided to 2 parts; one being greater than the other & his God? Does
this mean that Jesus lied when he said that the father is the only true
God? Was Jesus, then, not a true God?" When the paper reached the Pope,
he did not read it out loud. Instead his features turned stiff & he said
in a firm stern note, "the person who wrote this shall wait for me after
the meeting." He ordered me sent to a monastery for one month to rectify
my aberrant thoughts. I was overburdened there with hard labour &
prayers & lived on bread & water. The intention was to brainwash me.
They did, but only temporarily. As soon as I was over my body weariness,
the same confusing questions returned back to my head. Ahmed, my
neighbor told me, "We Muslims worship one God with no partners. How can
you say we're going to hell?" A senior priest said in reply, "Yes they
are sure going to hell because they do not believe that Jesus is God." I
replied, "But they worship God faithfully. No, I don't think they'll go
to hell." I was stunned by a slap on the face, "If you go on repeating
this nonsense, you too will be forbidden from paradise by me." They sent
me back to the monastery.
4. We were taught in the Sunday Schools of the Orthodox Coptic
Church that ours only is the right religion of God, & that all other
Christian sects are infidels that will end in hell. Protestants
believe in the bible literally & practice accordingly. They don't have
the "hierarchy of churchmen" nor the "7 secrets of the church"; they
don't have much of the paraphernalia attached to the religion throughout
the years (statues/crucifixes/pictures/fancy clergymen clothes/endless
rituals for every small event). God has addressed Jesus not to make a
statue or picture of himself & then kneel or worship these; they stick
to this. In their eyes, the biggest sin of the Orthodox sect is
worshipping Mother Mary being to them "the mother of God". They argue
that there isn't a single mention to this in the whole bible. Long
before the Protestants came to light, a Patriarch "Nester" wrote in 431
AC that it is impossible for Mary to be the mother of God, as a created
creature cannot give birth to a Creator. What comes out of the body is
another body. So, Mary gave birth to Jesus the human. Jesus is much of a
human as all other human beings. The Church turned against Nester & his
followers, they were captured, tortured & deported for saying out simple
logic thoughts. And these were revived in the 15th century by
Martin Luther. Catholics I had a female catholic
colleague whom I wanted to marry, but my priest forbade that. He told me
that Catholics are infidels deprived by our Patriarch from Heaven. They
believe that Christ had two natures: one human & the other heavenly
(Copts say that he has only one nature: a humanly God!) Like Orthodox,
Catholics dignify Mother Mary, but they take that to an even higher
level. In all their churches, her statues & pictures are always larger
than those of Jesus (their God) himself. She is mentioned 1st
in all their prayers. I inquired about this from a catholic priest.
First he wouldn't meet me at all, then he wouldn't let me into his home
when he knew I was Copt. He talked to me on his doorstep. He said that
the Pope of Rome considers us infidels. To Catholics, Mary is like the
mother of a King who adores his mother & obeys all her wishes. She
should be dignified more than the king himself!
5. I got acquainted to another Muslim neighbor [Farouk] who
seemed to love me very much. He once told me, "You are an honest
intellectual man. If you read about Islam evenly, freeing your head from
the burdens of your past, giving it an honest thought; God will lead you
to the right path." In some other occasion he said, "I really think you
are too good to remain a Copt. At least when it's time for you to die,
please just say the word [the testimony of Islam] & God will forgive
you." We used to laugh & not take his words seriously. Now I did. His,
together with my other neighbor's [Ahmed], were penetrating deep into my
soul. They said, "The principles of Islam are very simple & logic. There
is absolute unity: one God with no partners. In Christianity, man made
things more complex & unlogic. Divinity is divided between
God/Christ/Holy Spirit/Mother Mary/Pope/Patriarchs/Saints/Priests & so
on."
6. Because of problems with the inner revenue service, I had to
abandon my private practice & leave Alexandria. I went to a nearby small
town in the middle of the countryside [Delengatt]. I started reading
about Islam with a new vision devoid of all the hatred & prejudice
implanted into me by the Sunday school's teachings. I also was reading
the bible via a new perspective. I read in John 3:22 "..Jesus & his
disciples came into the land of Judea, & there he remained with them &
baptized". A couple of paragraphs later in the same page John
4:2 stated, "though Jesus himself did not baptize". I must
have passed through this direct contrast a thousand times before, but
never took notice. God has removed the cloud & cleared things for me.
There was no logical explanation for this contradiction, none
whatsoever. Again, when I was reading the Acts of the Apostles 1:9-12,
it is stated that Jesus was taken up to Heaven on the Olivet mountain
near Jerusalem; yet in Luke 24:51, the ascension is stated to have
occurred in BethanyÈíÊ ÚäíÇ. Still,
in Mark 16:19, the same event is said to have taken place in Galilee. I
was stunned. Were we fooled all those years? Were we so blinded so as
not to have seen these contradictions before? Would God ever contradict
himself or not remember exactly the place where he rose back to Heaven?
How did millions all through the years disregarded such non-sense &
still believed in it? I decided to stop all my church activities at
once. It is over as far as I am concerned.
7. As I was approaching the right path, the devil had to find
ways to deviate me. My mind became pre-occupied by confusing thoughts:
a) Christianity, as has been revealed to you, is no more a sound belief
of you. b) Copts will never let you convert & spread out their
deficiencies. They may have to take away your life. c) Muslims will not
accept you as one of them, there will always be skepticism & doubts
surrounding you. d) You were brought up in a strict Coptic milieu, you
can't just simply take your skin off (let alone your soul). Whatever you
try, you can never become a faithful Muslim. e) You'll be discarded from
the Coptic community, & not allowed into the Muslim one. You'll end up
nowhere & die an infidel. I lived in this turmoil for several months,
then I decided to follow my heart & mind wherever they would lead me. In
1992, I went back to Alexandria & met my old neighbor Ahmed. I told him
that I wanted to convert to Islam. He thought I was joking. When he saw
how serious I was, he said; "God directs whom he loves to the right
path. The irony of fate is that a dedicated vicar now is turning to a
Sheik. God help you my friend." My other neighbor Farouk told me,
"Please, don't convert for any earthly cause. Think deeply before taking
this step. Don't do it unless you are sure in your heart & soul. A
Muslim should be faithful with God & with himself. There is no coming
back, you know."
8. When I returned to Delengatt after this enlightening visit to
Alex, I decided that I should leave my apartment there (as it faced the
Church of town & as the churchmen were acquainted to me & used to spend
time with me in it). The head priest summoned me to blame me for not
attending prayers & participating in church activities for sometime.
Words just were uttered out of my mouth before I could think about them,
" I am a Muslim now." [I wasn't yet!] He could not believe & went into
tears. He thought I was angry with him for some reason & wanted to amend
things. He sent a clergyman to my apartment to perform rituals to rid
the flat & my soul of the devil. He asked me to attend prayers in the
church & left. I didn't pray with him & I didn't kiss his hands as was
customary. I moved to a smaller far away apartment where I spent time
reading more about Islam & revising the Bible. In Deuteronomy 18:20-22,
God said to Moses that any fake prophet claiming to convey the words of
God (when they are his own) will die & his words will not happen. The
same meaning is stated in Jeremiah 14:14 & in Acts 5:35-42. Now when we
apply this rule to Muhammad, the Koran has given many prophecies that
all took place. Fourteen centuries have passed, & still Islam survived &
propagated to all parts of the world. So he must then be a true prophet
of God. Now let's take Jesus. The Bible is full of prophecies that never
took place. As the Koran acknowledges him to be a true prophet of God,
then the writers of these gospels are the ones at fault [not Jesus].
There goes another proof from the Holy Book that many of its scripts are
not the true words of God.
9. Back in the days of my private practice in Alexandria, there
was a mosque not far from my clinic. I used to look inside whenever I
passed by. It was no comparison to our churches. It was painted in plain
white & had simple rugs on its floor. There were no big chandeliers, no
statues, no big drawings & pictures, no seats, no precious carpets & no
musical instruments. The Imam or Sheik was plainly dressed in a wide
simple dress (galabeyah) & had a simple turban covering his head. He
always looked content, smiling & serene despite being clearly poor. Our
churchmen had all those fancy black dresses, big gold crucifixes & weary
envious looks. I sometimes watched Muslims pray. They used no clapping,
no music. They moved all as one standing up, bending & kneeling. Men
were segregated from women, the latters could not be seen. With more
sneaking around, I found out that they went before prayers to wash their
limbs & faces from several water taps located in a place adjoined to the
mosque. They stood for prayers in well-organized rows, shoulder to
shoulder with no difference between rich & poor, old & young. They were
all looking to the floor infront of them in respect to God as the Koran
was recited. I knew from Ahmed that they did the same ritual 5 times a
day, all at the exact same timings each day. Their prayers' destiny was
unified: all pointing towards Mecca wherever they were on earth. I was
comparing this to the 450 (& rising) sects of Christianity, each having
its own rituals & each denouncing all others. The poor ones did not dare
to show in the front rows preserved for the rich & elite. Some Coptic
churches even advised the poor {Brothers of the Lord, as they called
them] to attend a special prayer on Wednesdays so as not to offend the
rich on Sundays. Prayer times depended on the local priest's mood &
schedule. Though Copts wear suits for prayers, yet they do not wash &
the odor of sweat is an inevitable accompaniment of any church
gathering. Comparisons were always in favor of mosques. As we finished
prayers one day in church, we sat in the churchyard. Some poor-looking
person came over smilingly to salute the priest. He said, "My prayers
will not be accepted in Heaven unless I greet my neighbor." When he
left, the priest said that this was the Imam of the nearby mosque & that
this was his habit before the weekly Friday prayers. I wondered then,
"Why was he that poor when our priests were filthy rich? Doesn't he make
use of the money donated to the mosque in much the same way as priests
do with church donations? Clearly not." Another very poor Muslim
approached the priest asking for his help to rid his young girl of the
devil possessing her (i.e. to exorcise her). The priest told him that he
must believe in the Lord Jesus who will heal her. The poor ignorant guy
gave an amazingly eloquent reply, "Jesus the son of Mary, PBUH,
is not a God. He is a prophet of God." He left swiftly with his ailing
daughter despite of being in desperate need (as it seemed). He stuck to
his faith & couldn't just utter a few words that he didn't believe. He
amazed me.
10. I grew more hooked to mosques. There was shining pure white
light that they emitted & that attracted me. I used to find excuses to
linger around them (as lighting a cigarette or reading a newspaper). I
wished I just could get inside & get the feeling. One day my neighbor
Ahmed was hurrying into the mosque when he noticed me. I asked if I
could go into the rest room of the mosque & he said, "Yes, of course."
"But they will know that I'm not a Muslim & hurt me." He laughed &
reassured me, " This did not & will never happen." When I asked him to
escort me in, he apologized saying that prayers have already started. I
hesitantly stepped in. People were bending down to the taps washing
their faces, arms, feet & murmuring prayers as they washed. Each was in
a spiritual world of his own & no one bothered me. I wished I was
affiliated to them.
11. Now a few years later I was recalling all this in this remote
apartment of Delengatt. I had found out how the Bible with all its
deficiencies & contradictions could not satisfy my spiritual needs. I
had abandoned church. I was in need to read the Koran. I went down and
bought a copy. I had known that one must wash to be clean & pure before
touching/reciting the Koran. I did not know how to wash, so I decided to
take a bath. It was a cold winter night & I was out of fuel for heating
water. Still I was determined. I trembled under the cold shower water. I
dried, asked God for guidance & sat down to read. The Koran is written
in eloquent Arabic. Though I didn't comprehend a lot of what I read, I
found inner peace & serenity embalming me. A few days later I was in a
nearby pharmacy of a Muslim friend when I found that he had this Koran
with explanation of words in its margins. I asked to borrow it & he gave
it to me as a gift. I avidly read through the Koran over & over again.
Each time I understood more & more. I found gentle preachings, logic
words about punishment & reward, live depictions of paradise & hell,
stories of all prophets in a decent precise narration, many scientific
facts about Man & the Universe;
I even found what we [as Copts] used to say in secret about Muslims
mocking their religion & its rituals. Muhammad was informed that he is a
dead man, but his nation will survive till the end of time. I became
mesmerized with what I read. This is a true revelation from God. It
could never be written by a man (or men), however brilliant they were. I
had a vision that night in my sleep: this all dressed-in-white man
shining light & pointing to the Koran. This was a sure indication that I
am on the right path. I was relieved. A few days later I became gravely
ill & the medications that I took did not give any response. The fever
was rising, the diarrhea became severer & the headache unbearable. I had
come across a verse of the Koran that said, "and
when I am ill, it is He who cures me"26:80. So, I lied
down, placed the Koran on my belly & recited this verse over & over till
I went into deep sleep. I woke up next morning totally intact & healthy.
I said to myself that it was time.
Crossing the line
1. I went to visit my mother in Alexandria as she was ill. I told
her that I wanted to convert to Islam. She gave me an astonishing reply,
"There is no harm in that. I can't find something bad in Muslims. In fact,
they are better than we are. They fear God more than most of us." She died
later, but she seemed to have told my brothers about me. They confronted
me very harshly. They seized my ID card so as no to use it in my
conversion procedures. They offered me a sum of money to travel & live
abroad should I insist on what I was intending to do.
2. I called upon my friend Ahmed. I asked him how could I
officially become a Muslim. He told me to consult a lawyer for the legal
matters [which I did later]. As for the rituals of conversion, these are
very simple. I had to wash for prayers (ablution), say the testimony [I
testify & believe that no one is God but Allah, alone without a partner; &
I testify & believe that Muhammad is his messenger], then
pray a 2-cycle prayer. He then taught me how to wash for prayers & how to
pray. By the time I returned to Delengatt, I forgot most of it. A friend
gave me a small book (the official book of religion given to students of
the 1st grade) which explained the steps illustrated & in text.
I used to wash & pray with the book opened in front of me. I did not know
to which direction should I pray till some patient attending my clinic
prayed there when it was time for prayers. I now knew which way to face. I
prayed 5 times each day on regular basis till it was time to go back to
Alexandria & start the paper work.
3. It was august 1993. I spent the night in our old
apartment. It was now empty after my mother had died. I couldn't get to
sleep with all those conflicting thoughts swirling inside my head. I went
down before it was 6 a.m. I roamed around aimlessly only to find an open
church. I stepped inside to be faced by all those pictures on the wall
(Jesus/Mary/Apostles/Saints/Popes). I found myself talking to them, "if
you are all right & I am wrong, please do something now. Give me a sign
that I'm deviating, curse me in any way you can!" I spent close to an hour
in this monologue, and then tears gushed out of my eyes. When I stopped
crying, I was calm & serene. I went out of the church regretting the 40
years that I lost on the wrong side. I was now crossing the line, but to
the right track.
4. I walked all the way to the Internal Security building & went up
to the "department of Religious Affairs" to start rolling the ball. Things
were not easy. There was a lot of red tape governmental bureaucracy
compounded with skepticism from every person I met there. There was
filling of forms, interviews, inquisitions & investigations. This took
around 2 or more weeks till I was given a formal certificate declaring
that I am now officially a Muslim. However, it took much longer to be able
to get an ID card with my new Muslim name & with my religion printed as
"Muslim" [I got the new ID card in October 1994]. The authorities summoned
my family to sign a statement denoting that they'd stay away from me &
abstain from doing me any harm. So now my secret became public knowledge
in the Coptic community. They were furious & wanted revenge. A few days
later, & after I paid the lease of our apartment & was on my way out of
the house, 2 cousins of mine (apparently they were watching the apartment
& waiting for me to show) tried to run me over with their car. I was not
seriously injured, but they kept following me as I ran trying to escape
them. They abandoned my pursuit only when I found refuge at a Muslim
friend's house.
5. I stayed in fright for more than a year: I was not yet a Muslim
& Copts were on my tail. I was only secure in the presence of my close
circle of Muslim friends: Ahmed & Farouk of Alexandria, Nabeel & Mohamed
Assei of Delengatt. I didn't dare go into a mosque with an ID pointing to
me as a Copt, so I prayed at home. While awaiting my new ID card, I stayed
in Delengatt. Nabeel, skeptical at 1st, now trusted me & began
teaching me more about Islam. He explained a lot of the things I couldn't
comprehend, corrected the wrongs I did in practicing rituals & encouraged
me a lot. However, he was afraid of the authorities & made all his visits
to me by night. When he left abroad, he delegated a friend [Assei] to take
care of me. He ,too, was a real help as a companion & tutor.
6. This was a real hard time for me. The devil could not leave this
poor soul of mine alone. There were these discouraging thoughts of not
being welcomed by Muslims & not being forgiven by Copts. There were also
some financial hardships. My practice was deteriorating & the income was
decreasing exponentially. I had to sell all what I had, even the TV &
refrigerator. Was this a curse from Heaven for what I did? Faith gave me
patience. I knew now that God was testing me. After a short while the good
times began. There was this letter from an insurance company informing me
that an old policy of mine [I had forgotten all about that] is due. Now I
could come forward & collect the money [which I did]. I got another
considerable sum of money from the Secretary of Defense in response to a
letter I had sent to him asking for help. I was invited to the wedding of
a Muslim friend in a mosque & they all treated me very affectionately
wiping out a lot of the fears I had inside. Still, I feared Copts & had
these apprehensive feelings of being killed by them while entering/leaving
a mosque. These devilish thoughts kept me away from mosques for sometime.
When I finally got my new ID card, this worked together with true Islamic
faith that overwhelmed me, &I was now able to boldly enter any mosque in
public & pray with fellow Muslims in group prayers. What a relief it was.
There were no ceremonies or parties when I got the card, I just lowered
the billboard hanging outside my clinic & changed the name written on it
to my new Muslim name. The majority of Muslims rejoiced, they came to
greet & congratulate me. There were emotional scenes of ones who insisted
on hugging (& even kissing) me. Some volunteered to stand as guards for me
around the clock against any probable Coptic revenge. Others invited me to
their homes as their brother & offered to give me anything I asked for.
However, there were a few Muslims who stayed away from me in respect to
the Copts they have business relations with. On the whole, I was happy for
God has substituted the loss of kin by all those sincere Muslim brothers.
There was one eminent Muslim personality in this small town who did not
share in this demonstration that surrounded my conversion. Dr. Ali Eissa,
the only orthopedic in town, was no hypocrite. He was blunt & direct when
I met him, "You have to congratulate yourself for affiliating to Islam." I
sensed his integrity & sought his help as a religious guide & tutor. He
always confronted me with my mistakes right in my face. I respected him
very much & remain indebted for what he taught me. Now it was time to look
for my other half.
7. I asked my friends in Alexandria to seek me a wife who knows her
God well. I did not seek wealth or beauty, just faith. They were to
explain to her my special situation & my financial hardship. I did not
expect the gift that God has endowed upon me. She was a blessing sent from
Heaven. She came from a poor but religious & respectful family. Her
father, God bless his soul, was one of those faithful Muslims who lived by
religion & prayed regularly in mosques. I learned a lot from him. We got
married in April 1996 & she escorted me to Delengatt. There, I was asked
by a group of Muslims to pray with them in a particular mosque. I saw that
the mosque was not plain as it should be, but was very much ornamented. It
had inside it the grave of one of the dignitary Sheiks of that particular
sect (against Islamic rules of not burying persons where we pray). To me
it was reminiscent of a church rather than a mosque. It was a Sufi sect &
I felt that I did not belong to them. I abandoned their mosque & prayed
elsewhere. The Sufis did not like that & started spreading rumors that I
am not a true Muslim, but rather an informer of the police under cover. As
everybody feared the system which fought Islamic fundamentalism fiercely,
I soon found myself practically isolated in that small town. I was back to
square one with only a small inner circle of close friends who knew me
well. I had to leave. I dwelled in another nearby small town [Etay el
Baroud]. There I met the most faithful of all Muslims & became close to
them. They were followers of Sunnah [Prophet Muhammad's path]. They taught
me not to argue/debate much with others, to concentrate on myself & my
immediate family guiding them to the right path, & only after that I could
preach to others, but always peacefully & in wisdom. I returned to
Alexandria & now live/work there. I have 3 nice daughters. I Thank God for
His guidance & pray Him to sustain my progeny on the right track of
Islam.
********************************************************
Conclusion
·
I have this to say to every Muslim: Thank
God for every moment you live in His light, thank Him for the gift of
Islam. You may not give this gift its due appreciation because you have
never been on the other side [like I was]. Please endear your religion &
treasure it, for it is the most precious thing in this universe. Nothing
else really matters. Through it you will live happily, both in this
earthly life & in heavenly paradise. It is the only way. No one now
unifies divinity except Muslims, & no religion provides a comprehensive
code for the body & soul except Islam.
·
I have this to say to every Christian: Fear
no one but God. Go to your church & ask all those crucifixes, statues &
pictures: could you bring me a benefit that God Has not endowed to me?
Could you do me harm that God Has not decided for me? Read your bible with
an open mind & clear heart. Should you feel unsatisfied or skeptical,
carry on. Don't just stop there at this point. Search for the right thing,
for the truth. Go to the Koran & read it after ridding yourself from the
demons implanted in you. You shall surely see the light & feel the
difference. Go to where your heart takes you, surely to the right path. I
know it is not easy, but the prize is immense.
·
As for myself: I will carry on (as long as I
live) asking for forgiveness, praying for absolution, thanking God for His
guidance (after all those years of aberration). I will carry on living as
a Muslim, defending this true religion & hoping to die a faithful Muslim.
*****************************************
Appendix [I]
Some
Old Memories
1.
I used to admire the harmony & unified movement in Muslim
prayers, their organized rows with no difference in wealth, age or
clothing.
2.
I used to wonder why Imams/Sheiks hardly ever talked to
girls/women, while Christian clergymen fancy only female companionship. I
used to wonder why Imams were poor but happy with smiling content faces,
while filthy rich priests always looked worried, distressed & uneasy.
3.
I used to feel defective as Muslims had five prayers/day &
one whole month of fasting/year, all written in their book; while
Christian prayers & fasting are non-authentic decided by our Patriarchs/
Popes. These put the rules & change them as they like.
4.
Muslims pray to only one God & they have only one
messenger (Muhammad) whom they dignify dearly, but have never raised to
the level of God. All their religious rituals [fasting, praying,
alms-giving & pilgrimage] are for God. Christian prayers, on the other
hand, are directed to the Lord, to Jesus, to Mother Mary, to the Holy
Spirit, to apostles, to saints, to Popes, to senior churchmen, & the list
goes on. I used to wonder: Who was really in control among all these?
5.
When I debated with my neighbor friend Ahmed & told him,
"In our churches only the ones dressed well & in suits go for prayers. In
your mosques people in the front rows had this ragged clothes. Your
clergymen are poor while ours are rich. Doesn't this tell you that God
favors us?" He replied with verses from the Koran & sayings of the
Prophet, "Those most dignified in the eyes of the Lord are those who are
most faithful."/ "The Lord does not look to your clothes & how you look
like, but to your hearts & the amount of faith in them." I knew that he
was right.
6.
I used to attack Islam as it prohibits being a monk. No
one should discard worldly matters completely & dedicate his whole time to
prayers. This was a rule I couldn't get into my mind. Yet, when I visited
monasteries & spent sometimes there, I found out that Islam was right.
Monks were not there for purely religious purposes. Each had a distressing
event in his life that he wanted to escape or a psychologic problem that
he wanted to solve. They all had earthly ambitions which they wanted to
fulfill through being monks. Some loved not working & living a luxurious
leisurely life by the donations of others; others had their eyes on higher
church posts (with all its wealth & authority) attainable only to
monastery dwellers. Most of them were heavy smokers, gluttons &
alcoholics. They even had their sexual vices! Muslims do not kid
themselves & live this double life; they pray & they live as humans
(eating/marrying/working).
________________________________
Appendix [II]
Remarks on the Bible
1.
When I decided to revisit the Bible & see it in a
different perspective, I was amazed how I stayed blinded all those years.
The extent of mistakes & contradictions are unbelievable. This book that
we call "Holy" is by no means from God. It is certainly human written, &
even not tactfully so. The Koran stands defiant. It is simple & clear, but
also deep & comprehensive. There are no contradictions or obscure myths.
It is logic & persuasive. It blesses the heart, nurtures the body &
expands the mind. It is a true revelation from God to mankind.
2.
I found that Islam is no stranger to the other religions
that preceded it. They all come from the One God, so the rules are almost
the same. The Prophet Muhammad said that Islam is like the final brick in
the building without which the building would not be complete. It corrects
what the years & humans had distorted in the preceding religions & adds to
them. Its sources will stay intact till the end of time, & that's a vow
from the Almighty. I found that worshipping one God with no partners [an
essential principle in Islam] is preached in the old & new testaments. "I
am the Lord your God….You shall have no other Gods before Me." Exodus
20:2-3, "To whom will you liken God? What likeness will you compare to
Him?" Isaiah 40:18, "So Jesus said to him, [Why do you call me
good? No one is good but One, that is God]" Luke18: 19. I found that
many of the regulations in Sharee'at of Islam are present in the old
testament including prohibiting pork {"these you shall not eat among
the animals that chew the cud or those that have cloven hooves….and the
swine, though it divides the hoof, yet does not chew the cud, is unclean
to you. Their flesh you shall not eat, & their carcasses you shall not
touch. They are unclean to you." Leviticus 11:4-8}, killing married
adulterers {"the man who commits adultery with another man's wife, the
adulterer & the adulteress shall surely be put to death." Leviticus
20:10}, ablution {"for Aaron & his sons shall wash their hands &
feet in water.." Exodus 30:19} & bathing after ejaculation {"if
there is any man of you who becomes unclean by some occurrence in the
night…that he shall wash with water…" Deuteronomy 23:10-12}.
3.
I found that (as the Koran mentioned) Jesus is but a human
messenger of God in his own words [Jesus said to the Jews, "..but now
you seek to kill me, I am a man who has told you the truth which I heard
from God….I came from God, I didn't come from myself, but He sent me."
John 8:40-42]. Jesus is named "the son of Mary" (same as in the Koran) in
Mark 6:3, a term the Christians do not like to use. He is not God as he
does not know when is doom's day "Heaven & earth will pass away…but of
that day & hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the son;
but only the Father." Luke 13:31-32. As to calling God his father,
this is not literally, all Jews at the time considered themselves the sons
of God [vide supra].
4.
I found that there are many mentions in the Bible of a
prophet that will come after Jesus [Daniel 9, John 1:19-25 where
John prophecies 3 prophets after him Christ/Elijah/the Prophet, John 16:12
where Jesus says, "I still have many things to say to you, but you
cannot bear them now. However, when he, the spirit of truth, has come he
will guide you into all truth. He will not speak in his own authority, but
whatever he hears he will speak. He will tell you things to come."]
5.
Jesus said that he does not preach a new religion & that
he came to apply the true rules of the Old Testament only on Jews. "I
was not sent except to the lost sheep of the house of Israel" Mathew
15:24; "I did not come to destroy, but to fulfill….Whoever breaks one
of the least of these commandments & teaches men so, shall be called least
in the kingdom of heaven" Mathew 5:17-19.
6.
I found out that the gospels are written by humans & are
not the true words of God. Luke says in the first paragraph of his book, "Inasmuch
as many have taken in hand to set in order a narrative of those things
which have been fulfilled among us…it seemed good to me also to write to
you, Theophilus, an orderly account..". So Luke is writing a story,
not a holy book revealed to him from above! John says in conclusion of his
book John 21:24 "This is the disciple who testifies of these things &
wrote these things & we know that his testimony is true." So it is his
testimony not a revelation! The Acts of the Apostles has no relation to
the gospels. When Paul addresses Jews, he applauds them & their book. Yet,
when he addresses Romans or Greeks, he curses Jews & cancels their book.
Paul criticizes the gospels, says that he completed the wounds of Jesus on
the crucifix as they were not much, claims to be greater than Jesus as he
(Paul) will judge angels at the end of time!
7.
I found that the current practices of Christianity are
against frank instructions of the Bible. "Do not call anyone on earth
your father, for One is your Father, He who is in heaven" Mathew 23:9.
Christians call every priest "father"! Jesus said that the commandments
are to be followed by the letter, Paul followed this by allowing polygamy
& marrying a divorced according to the old testament rules [Exodus
21:9-10, Deuteronomy 24:1], the gospels curse anyone who does so!
8.
I decided that, if God helps me, I shall have a more
comprehensive look on the Bible, compare it to the Koran in a future work
of mine. The aforementioned are just hints that currently crossed my mind.
Now I end by these verses of the Koran.
"The angels said, "O Mary, we shall relate to
you a divine glad edict: God announces to you a happy event, the arrival
of a male child, the product of a word from Him, his name will be Messiah
Jesus the son of Mary. He will be distinguished in honor in the world on
earth & the Hereafter, he will be among those nearest to God….God shall
teach him the book of knowledge/wisdom, the Torah & the Gospel. And he
shall be appointed as an apostle/messenger to the children of Israel…& he
will preach them that God is his Creator & their Creator as well, that He
must be worshiped and that this is the path of rectitude…Infront of God,
the similitude of Jesus is exactly like that of Adam, He created him from
dust then said to him "Be" & so he was."
Imran (2): 45-59.
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